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| Correct dining etiquette is associated with competence, while bad table manners are equated with a lack of ability |
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So much business is done over breakfast, lunch or dinner that an important aid to a positive image is good table manners
We’ve all sat down for lunch or dinner with that person who eats in such a cumbersome manner that it becomes distracting in the extreme. It is not easy to present a confident image if you chew with your mouth open, spray bread crumbs everywhere or stab the air (and quite possibly the waiter!) with a knife when driving a point home about last quarter’s numbers. The focus of attention will sadly fall on your table manners, rather than what you are saying.
Correct dining etiquette is associated with competence, while bad table manners are equated with a lack of ability.
You never know when you’ll have to seat a senior business colleague or even be asked to give an appropriate toast. So knowing the correct etiquette means you can concentrate on the people you are doing business with, rather than how you are going to eat the next course. To have that information at your finger tips, whether you use it or not, will give you the confidence to cope with any situation, however formal.
What to do and not to
If going out to a restaurant and you are the host, reserve a table in advance. It is also your job to take charge of the seating arrangements, which is especially important for larger groups. The best seat (usually the one with its back to the wall) should be reserved for the guest of honor, this way they will not be sitting in a traffic area. For formal occasions the most important guest sits on the hosts right, and the next most important on their left.
The host should start off by talking to the person on their right, and everyone else should follow their lead, but it is good form to speak to both the people on your right and left as nobody should feel ignored or left out of conversation. As a guest never criticise the food, service or even choice of table. Sounding dissatisfied could make it appear that you question the host's taste in restaurants – never a wise thing if you’re soliciting his or her business.
Have you ever been confused which knife or fork to use first? If you are confronted by a complicated layout of knives and forks it can be very intimidating. It's all very well for you to wait to see which one everybody else uses first before you start, but what if you are the host and everybody is waiting for you? When tackling a frightening array of silverware, a good rule of thumb is to start on the outside and work your way in. The table is usually laid out so that every implement except the soup spoon and the butter knife has a partner, but note you don’t always use both.
Obviously the more courses there are the more cutlery there will be. However, don’t be daunted if you do make a mistake - either carry on eating with confidence or acknowledge the fact that you always get confused and start again. With more and more exotic (read foreign) food being eaten, there are even more dishes to choose from and more decisions to be made on how to eat them.
The ‘establishment’ way to hold a knife and fork is to tuck the handle into the heel of your hands with the index finger on top of the piece of cutlery pointing towards the blade, or with a fork tines facing down; rather than holding it like a pen or gripping it like a crude weapon. And whatever you do, don’t ever tuck the napkin into your shirt like a bib, this will wipe out your credibility faster than a lying politician. Instead it should be placed across the knee.
Everything you do tells something about you
When it comes to the buffet, please be judicious and put a smaller amount of food on your plate rather than taking everything on offer. I have on more than one occasion been simply riveted by the amount of food that some presumably really hungry conference delegate has piled on their plate. It is at best distracting and at worst, you come across as simply greedy. The focus should be on discussing business or networking and not have people wondering where all that food is going to!
When it comes to drinks, I’d recommend water, juice or a soft drink for most business lunches as opposed to hard alcohol or beer. Everything you do at the table subconsciously tells others something about you and a heavy drinker might not be the image you want to necessarily portray. If you must drink alcohol, then wine is the preferred tipple, and if so it should complement the main course and not be served until then. An array of glasses can also sometimes be a puzzle. There should be as many glasses as the drinks you will be offered. Tumblers are for water although sometimes water may be served in a water goblet. The largest wine glass is for red wine and the next one down holds the white.
It makes good business sense to try and master the cultural differences in dining etiquette and manners when doing business in another country. When in doubt, follow the customs of the host country. For example in China, the business meal is usually a large banquet with numerous courses where everyone dips their chopsticks into communal dishes. If a dish comes to the table which you are unfamiliar with, I always say have at least three mouthfuls – you just might enjoy it! If you cannot stomach it (literally) any further you can politely tell your host it was delicious but you have had quite enough. It is considered bad etiquette to refuse any food outright unless you are a vegetarian or allergic.
If meals arrive at different times, as the host urge those who've already been served to go ahead and start eating or to serve themselves. Try to keep pace with the tempo your host eats his or her meal, as it is good form to finish the meal together. It is also good business practice to pick up the bill as the host, just don’t disclose the total or make big deal of the fact that you are paying. In fact if you can take care of the bill before the meal then so much the better as it saves the potentially embarrassing rigmarole of everyone diving for their wallets or handbags. In fact it's a good idea to let the waiter know in advance that the check should be given to you. And to the guests, don't take the sheen off your host's hospitality by trying to grab the bill. Your turn will probably come sooner or later. Happy dining!
Email: derek.bbanga@publicimageafrica.com
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